Is there something holding me back?

Life is a brief intermission between birth and death, enjoy it.

I have experienced a lot of loss this past 7 months and each situation I have handled in a different way.

The death that hit me the hardest was the death of my father. We knew he was sick, but we didn’t know the extent of the situation until he stopped talking, developed that far away stare,and stopped eating. I received the call around 6 am January 11th and although I wasn’t expecting it, I knew it would come.  I cried that moment, but I didn’t cry again about it,  I haven’t been to the cemetery since the day of the funeral, I haven’t cried about it since that day, and I feel like something is wrong with me because I haven’t mourned him like I should. Is is because I knew he was suffering and my prayer had been that once he began to suffer, I asked God to take his suffering – even if that meant taking him too. I didn’t want to see him suffer, knowing that my mom was his primary caretaker and it was taking a toll on her as well. Hopefully soon I will get the nerve to visit his resting place and actually get that cleansing cry that I need, but I know that it will be something that I have to do alone.

Left:Daddy with his great-nieces and his granddaughter

Published by Wife Woman Mother

Wonderfully created wife, woman and mother of two who can never find an extra 4 hours in a day to get those things accomplished that I didn't get done throughout the day. I am working on making the most of the 24 hours I do get every day and sipping as much coffee as I can while doing it

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